I have a general contempt for doctors. Whether they are looking in my ear, up my skirt or listening to me breath through a Marlboro Light, I am just not a fan. I just don’t think they do anything for me. Every day of my life, I am trying to think of a plausible [...]
There is a pair of purple gumboots sitting in the window of a store across from where I work and I want to own them. In fact, I think they would genuinely make my life better if I owned them – which is a ridiculous, yet frequent, pressure I put on inanimate objects. My wardrobe [...]
If (when) I have absolute power of a nation (hopefully one with an ocean view), I doubt I will remain noble for long. And I defy anyone to do the opposite. When one is given ultimate freedom, especially in instances where dictating a society is concerned, ego rapidly takes over and all of a sudden [...]
At six AM on Friday Morning, I woke up to a Jack Russel leaping over me to have a Poodle for breakfast. At six-o-one, the Jack Russell flew across the room and hit the wall. Sigh. My maternal instincts, literally, kicked in. “I wonder what I would do with a baby waking me up?” I [...]
I think I have become boring. Rephrase: I think I have grown up. Here I thought my biggest fears were snakes and pleather handbags, but in reality, I have been avoiding maturity like I avoid fake tanner. Ever since I can remember (which, thanks to my years of binge drinking, isn’t much), I have [...]