20nothing.com

I have a list of things I want to do in my life. I want to go to the North Pole dressed as Santa. I want to eat sixty-four slices of American cheese in one sitting. And I want to sleep with an eighteen year old before it rates too high on the creep-o-metre.

 

Now, as the year comes to an end, I can cross one of those things off my list.

 

Unfortunately, I haven’t been eating any cheese and the closest I have come to Santa is by shame-walking in a winter wonderland at eight o’clock yesterday morning after hooking up with an eighteen year old.

 

I have managed to be both naughty and nice.

 

I have somewhat of an obsession with twenty year olds. If you don’t know that about me, you don’t know me. Hi. Welcome. Try the beef. I have also spent my fair share of time with nineteen year olds (unintentionally, in some cases). And, so, naturally, because I am someone who is stubborn enough to see how far I can push boundaries, I have felt a need to see what would happen with an eighteen year old.

 

Not a lot, it turns out. But enough to tick it off my Christmas wish list.

 

As soon as I met TILF*, I knew I wanted to see him naked.

“He is only one year older than your brother,” Sara said to me.

“He was born in an entirely different decade to you,” Danax warned me.

“Hurrah!” I squealed.

 

My parents have many friends who I don’t like. Which is an easy enough scenario, considering that I don’t like most people**.

“Can you please be polite to everyone,” AM begged me.

I took all of the children of the annoying people out for drinks and found that we actually get along very well when eight litres of scotch is present.

“Thank you for being social,” AM applauded me while I was driving the porcelain snow-mobile all the way around Canadialand.

“Did you see how drunk I had to get?” I couldn’t really think about alcohol at the time and the bottle of Jack Daniel’s in the kitchen was mocking me.

 

I was being punished for being naughty to be nice.

 

I had to get equally as drunk to justify flirting with someone who was a child when Harry Potter become relevant.

 

I was unnecessarily excited and hysterical about my latest endeavour. Mainly because I think it is absolutely hilarious, I have achieved yet another goal (the cheese can wait) and we are both consenting adults (in most democratic nations of the world).

 

But like anything, in the cold, sort of harsh daylight of a walk of shame through snow, I started thinking not only about the logistics of such a thrill but the fulfilment of it.

There is that logical [and somewhat decent] side of my brain which understands the repercussions of doing things Just To Have Fun. And then there is that overwhelming fun side of my brain (the part where, it seems, my work ethic lives) and it is the part which can’t accept that there is any problem with just having fun.

 

It makes for some confusing opinions. Like, is there a difference between being naughty and being nice?

 

I continued to giggle all day.

“What is so funny?” PG asked.

“I just had a funny night,” I explained, thinking about when the eighteen-year-old couldn’t get into the next bar.

“Me to. I was watching a Tom And Jerry cartoon…”

 

The generation gap never seemed so big. Which is naughty.

 

But also nice.

 

*Teenager I’d Like To…

**Is it just me, or are humans just getting stupider and more annoying in general? Don’t worry, I often include myself in this generalization. I blame Jim Carrey movies. 

 

Post By Salium.