20nothing.com

Martin Luthar King had a dream. And I am sure it was that two little blonde girls would be looking for gay porn in various Hollywood sex shops on his national day of remembrance.

 

It takes a lot to shock me. I think I became desensitised to life when I realized beyond reasonable doubt that my parents are biologically related to me, KFC doesn’t use real chickens and Spencer Pratt makes five figures a week to act like That. So therefore, the only thing notable about spending two hours trying to find a familiar face on the back of gay porn DVD’s is the fact that it isn’t the first time I have done it.

 

I am not a traditional person. I don’t go to church. I don’t do formalities. And the only thing that works like clockwork in my life is what time the scotch bottle will be opened. So spending holidays doing something other than looking at gay porn would be boring to me.

 

What I am, however, is an over analytical person. Self-reflection, to me, is the most paramount aspect of personal growth. And I am all about personally evolving and making myself a better person. Via gay porn, if I must.

Occasionally, I feel overly self-indulgent by how many hours I spend per day thinking about myself. But then I start thinking about other people or watch Spencer Pratt and I immediately feel a little more stupid and a lot more guilty and decide that Selfishness is probably the more gracious option.

 

Mr L.A picked me up after I had put down some scotch and porn. Spending platonic time with my ex-boyfriend is the only occasion in my life where I am rendered completely speechless, as the infinite hours of over analyzation back-up like Los Angeles traffic in my head. I can never think of mindless chatter to keep the conversation from diving into the deep end like how I dive into scotch, and I wind up wishing that I could watch Spencer purely for some inspiration for moronic speech.

 

I have a dream. And I am sure that one day it will come true. I fantasize that one day someone will look at me the way I look at Mr L.A. Complete and utter acceptance and awe, married with admiration and fond remembrance.

Spending time with the one person who managed to get me to stop over analysing and just fall in love like how I used to fall into bed renders me nervous and I wind up wishing that I could fall asleep and dream of a different reality.

 

I tried desperately to keep the conversation cool, casual and like clockwork. The effort to be superficial made me compassionate to Spencer and everyone else on The Hills: Maybe they to are having deeper thoughts, but five figures per week stops them from verbalizing what they really mean?

 

It sure beats my reason.

 

“I had a dream before Christmas that I was riding naked in a canoe with one of my best girlfriends,” I said in an effort to keep the conversation from diving off a cliff and away from what I was really thinking.

The way Mr L.A looked at was exactly how L.C looked at Heidi when told that she would be moving in with Spencer: That of complete and utter stupidity.

 

Hours later, I was sitting in Jack Osbourne’s living room watching YouTube videos of American soldiers randomly blowing shit up in the Middle East. Just me, the star of MTV’s The Osbournes, his French girlfriend and my ex-boyfriend.

“Have you heard about Spider Goats?” I asked Jack, in an effort to bond over his fondness for bullet-proof vests and keep my mind cool, casual and on solid ground.

Talk eventually turned to Spencer and everyone else on The Hills. Because I have far too much time on my hands and have genuinely tried to make an effort to think of other people, I delved into my theory on MTV reality shows.

“Sometimes I think the joke is on Them. Because they are putting their lives out there and are not taken seriously. Sometimes I think that the joke is on us because we are actually watching It and thinking about it. And other times I think that the joke is ultimately on anyone who sells their personality to a channel that is a contradiction by definition.”

Jack Osbourne, star of MTV’s The Osbourne’s, agreed with me.

“I think MTV caused the demise of pop culture,” he said.

I wanted to go into my theory about how he was part of that. But it was less painful to sit back and revert into over analytical self-reflection.

“So, Spider Goats…” Anything to keep the conversation cool, casual and away from Sharon.

 

The idea of human character is relatively new, psychologically speaking, in the history of self-reflection. Once upon a time, it was simply behaviour that was monitored and then people began to think about themselves from the inside out. We live in an age where over analyzation is coming from the inside, the outside and MTV. I am a person who appreciates all angles of this and endorse the procedure.But successful personal evolution must marry the self-reflection with motivation to express the outcomes honestly. That is the part that I still struggle with and instead revert back into my own dream land, wishing that I had the confidence to just be vulnerable.

 

But I am a real chicken. And I can’t even articulate the confusion in my mind when it comes to spending platonic time with my ex-boyfriend. Instead, I focus on my outside behavior and decide that having the confusion is something that only makes me human. 

 

I woke up after having a dream about Mr L.A. After realizing that I had missed the live inauguration of the first black President, I broke with tradition and actually started to do my laundry. Which may not be as sexy as gay porn, but it does allow a lot of time for reflection.

Thoughts about who I am in my life, who I am with in my life and who I was once in love with blew up in my mind like Iraqi civilians in the presence of American soldiers.

 

I spent all day thinking about Mr L.A instead of myself. I was shocked.

 

Post By Salium.