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The best pickup line I have ever heard was, “Hello. My name is [Mr L.A].”
The man could have proceeded to detail how he harms small animals for fun and it would not have stopped my underwear from metaphorically being ripped off and thrown across the room. I knew the moment I saw him that I wanted him.

Everyone else…takes a little bit of effort.

Any television series that has ever aired on HBO would have us believe that girls and boys seek sex in vastly different ways. Girls shave, wax, pluck, exfoliate, moisturize, buff, tone, cleanse, conceal, spray, roll, fluff, blush, highlight, underline, underwire, hide, tame, lick, prep, excite, smell, plump, jump, lunge, run, encourage talk, crunch, shine, drink, judge and find the perfect pair of shoes. A boy says, “Man, I think I’m going to bang a chick tonight.”

Sometimes (but very rarely) I can forgive a girl’s bad performance in bed: She is fucking exhausted.

Not having sex for six weeks made my preparation somewhat different.
After eight hours in the shower, I stopped what I was doing (read: enjoying a glass of scotch) and said, “Fuck. It.” With one leg half shaved, I took a stance. “If He wants It (read: sex), then all he has to do is ask.”

Intellectual stimulation can frequently be wasted on people we only want to stimulate physically. There is an often-believed misconception that only wanting sex diminishes ones self worth, when in reality the opposite is true. There is a respect to be had for motivation and ambition. But there is also a confusion about what is acceptable to say when you only want to rip of His clothes and throw him across the room. Do you have to find out too much? Do you want to find out too little? What is enough? What do you talk about when all that is going through your head is, “I want to sit on top of you.” And is it OK to really not care that his dog died when he was eight? Because unless that is going to get him naked, I really just don’t care.

Languages are notoriously difficult to learn.
“I learnt German for seven years!” I gloated to my travelling companions after we had spent a week in Italy pointing at alcohol and then our genitals. “We will be fine in Germany!”
In reality, I sat in German class for seven years.
“Möchten Sie fangen mit dem bus?” a member of the Arian race said to me. I pointed to my genitals in a wild guess/I am an opportunist.
The ability to learn a language is an admirably unique one – I firmly believe “Clueless” quotes are the last official dialect to be adapted by a mass population – but have always prided myself on being [relatively] bilingual.
“I can speak Sex Talk,” I have sporadically boasted.
“Like moaning?”
“No. Like How-To-Get-Him-Naked-Talk.”

Biologically, man are known as hunters and women, gathers. Which basically means that men like to find people to have sex with and girls like to acquire them. There is a hostorical expectation that a boy will take the lead and do all of the work involved in getting from point A to point Banging. He will approach, buy the drinks, pretend to listen to stories about her ex-boyfriend, trick her into believing that he is not staring at her boobs, nod when he needs to, frown when he has to, ask the right questions, pretend to care, look into her eyes, touch her back, buy more drinks and hopefully She will put out at the end of it. A girl says, “I want to fuck you.”

Sometimes (but very rarely) I am relieved that I am not a boy. Because, frankly, I just can’t pretend to care.

The introduction of HBO event television has encouraged role reversal and somewhat blurred the lines. When I see a hot boy, I am like a Nepalese Sherpa staring at Everest: It’s just There. What else am I going to do other than try to climb It? I enjoy the challenge of the hunt and trying to keep the conversation Just About Sex.
“I have a dream of having sex in the library,” I told Absolutely Stunning Hot Boy I Have Now Officially Talked To.
“Can I get your phone number?” He had a quiver in his voice that insinuated actual fear.
Later while I sat in the shower, I stopped what I was doing (read: enjoying a glass of scotch) and started counting how many hours there are in six weeks and one day.
Both genders may now be talking about It, but it doesn’t mean we know what to do with It (read: sex).

Girls worry about going after It (read: sex) because of the archaic social pretence of such an act. Boys get intimidated if a girl blatantly goes after It (read: sex) and doesn’t want to (really) speak to him. It isn’t a moral issue. It is about being ambitious, motivated and owning what you do. So much drama, judgement, insecurity, pity, envy, dishonesty, abdication, distrust and alcohol has been created around getting It (read: sex).

The reality is that we only do it if we want it [for whatever reason].

There doesn’t need to be the extravagant effort, because if He is interested…He is interested. And there doesn’t need to be the intense fear because…If she doesn’t want to talk, it means she wanted you from the first moment she saw You.