There is a theory that says girls seek boys who are either the epitome or the antithesis of their father. RG, the man who once had to explain to me that Muppet’s aren’t real, is the strongest man I have ever met. The bar was set when I was still obsessed with monkey bars. “I [...]
I have a massive snake phobia. Which is ironic, really. I can’t look at them in pictures in books, on television, on cinema screens and the last time I was at a [real] zoo, my grade eight science teacher threatened to fail me if I didn’t walk through the supermaket-like snake display so that I [...]
I frequently walk past a girl whose fashion staple is her butt cheek. In the library, getting hot chocolate, standing at a bar, it doesn’t seem to matter where, said girl wears anything that shows off what one can only assume is her best feature. “Every time I see her, I want to cry,” I [...]
I had a dream that I was in a lesbian relationship. “What the fuck?” My Friend exclaimed. “You were in a relationship?” But when it came down to going down, I couldn’t do it and the relationship ended. “It may be the first time that sex has ever stopped me from doing something,” I pondered. [...]
I was standing in a public bathroom surrounded by naked girls for thirty minutes and no one had spoken. “Can you please help me put on my shirt?” A pair of Double-D’s politely spoke up. I obliged. After she had broken the ice, I realized that it was my turn to make conversation. And maybe [...]
My ex-boyfriend called me emotionally withholding. I didn’t dispute him. “Maybe you can tell someone everything about yourself in three months,” I retorted. “I can not.” I always wondered what he wanted to find out[?]. Would he have been satisfied if I had let him in on my secret life as a David-Letterman-guest-as-i-sit-in-the-shower? Did he [...]
Remember the times when the hills were alive with the sound of music? This was before MTV resurrected them and made them walk around like zombies carrying Marc Jacobs totes. It was kind of an innocent time. But, then again, I was seven-years-old the first time I saw “The Sound Of Music” and everything feels [...]
There are some downsides to spending ninety percent of ones time with males. Conversations are littered with references to naked girls/porn/Jessica Alba. You become too much of a friend for sex to ever be referenced in relation to you. And a girlfriend eventually gets in the way. There are many upsides. Obviously. Mostly in [...]
Sometimes I don’t know whether I have woken up smarter or the world has woken up stupider. “They will be ready in ninety minutes,” the cashier said after I handed him film to be developed. “Ok. I will see you in exactly an hour and a half!” “No, ninety minutes.” I spent almost two hours [...]
In one month I have to get my tonsils out. Which I have heard does wonders for oral excitement… “I get to eat ice-cream for two whole weeks!” I skipped out of the doctors surgery: I get to lay in bed, wear only pyjamas, watch The Hills guilt-free and bathe in Baskin & Robbins if [...]