An old person said to me, “One day you will look back on this time in your life and laugh.” I was sitting on my couch, naked, smoking a cigarette and begging people to let me answer their phones for minimum wage. The thirty-year-old and I were IMing over iChat, so, little did He know, [...]
Job interviews are the most unnatural things in the world. Ridiculous questions being asked with an expectation of honest or, at the very least, pre-rehearsed answer. I can theorize the earthly qualities of a boob job easier. “Why do you want this job?” The employed person in the room will ask. You can’t say, “Because [...]
It can be weird running into someone you have slept with. Especially if you have defined him by one appendage and detailed to your at-the-time-company just how small his penis is. Everything you subsequently say feels like you are putting a foot in your mouth and a knife in his back. “What have you been [...]
There comes a time in ones twenties where nothing seems real anymore. “My life is starting to make “Friends” look like a documentary,” I told my girl friend. When I was a wee teen, and thought I knew everything, I didn’t envision being twenty-four, sitting on a couch, sans pants, begging people to let me [...]
Sometimes I ponder the people I have not met yet who will one day have a huge impact on my life. What are they doing? Where are they? In my case, probably putting a bracelet around someone’s wrist at Promises in Malibu or surfing, lying, cheating and just waiting for me to fall madly in [...]
If finding a job was as easy as picking up a guy, I wouldn’t be at home on a Tuesday debating whether to have Jack Daniels or Johnny Walker for lunch. Which isn’t necessarily a drag. “What kind of job do you want?” my boy friend asked. “Because I want a blow job.” “I will [...]
I have always wanted to write about going to Vegas because one of my favorite writers, Hunter S. Thompson, wrote about going to Vegas. I have a new found respect for the man. Because he remembers what the Fuck happened. Finding out that I was going to be going to Vegas was like getting the [...]