I once walked past an acquaintance who was wearing pleather pants. “You’re a dumb whore,” she yelled after me. Being passive-aggressive, usually misinterpreted as high-and-mighty, means that I rarely respond to such praise. Not because I agree with it or am scared to, more because I have better people to talk to than someone who [...]
If I had a dollar for every time I have been called an alcoholic I would be able to afford a Hell of a lot more scotch. “There isn’t bourbon in that, is there?” my boy friend asked me at nine AM when I was enjoying my morning caffeine far too much. Anything caffeineated usually [...]
I used to go shopping for clothes. But then I realized that boys have a ready-made metaphorical catwalk of garments, perfectly disposed of on their bedroom floor. Shirts, pants, boxer shorts and the occasional bow-tie, have often, again metaphorically, begged at me from that laundry pile. “Please, Sall. Take me home. You can’t possibly wear [...]
The hardest item of clothing to take off is The Skinny Leg Jean. I am convinced that they were created from left over cloth by the dude who invented the chastity belt. I have defied many people – myself included – to exit the SLJ in an exotic and time efficient manner, but the act [...]
My nice ex-boyfriend refused to eat in restaurants with me because I ordered from the Kids Menu. “So, who is the one acting like a child, then?” I shrugged, giving him some food for thought. His intense ignorance over such a minor detail didn’t actually bother me too much. I preferred snuggling on the couch [...]
When I was two years old, I made AM late for her one-day-a-week of work. “What happened to you?” Her boss asked when she finally arrived flustered sometime after midday. “I just wrestled with a toddler over what she would wear to preschool.” “Why didn’t you tell her what to wear and just put it [...]