I am not what one would call a “girly girl”. I don’t do my hair and didn’t even own a hairbrush until eight months ago. I roll my eyes when I hear talks about feelings and pump my fist when someone suggests a game of beer pong. And, to me at least, skirts are, really, [...]
My ex-boyfriend routinely farted on my head. From the moment I told him that I thought farts were funny, he took the joke as far as it could go. Romance to me is getting cup caked while trying to go to sleep and my definition of a Dutch Oven is remarkably different to most peoples.
When [...]
I don’t watch television. If I wanted to watch something pretty and stupid talk, I would get myself a boyfriend. I do not have a television in my house and will never buy one. Like a relationship,I think they are a total waste of time and space when you are young and [supposedly] free. I [...]
I have a snake phobia. If only Freud was alive today to work that one out. People get very confused with the difference between a phobia and a fear and, thus, frequently tell me to Just Get Over It. To clear it up, a phobia is having a heart attack when a snake is on [...]
For a long time, I thought that Sober Sex was a myth or, at the very best, as frequent an occurrence as Haley’s Comet. If you’re lucky, you will get to experience it twice in your life time. I lost my virginity sober and, so, I just figured that my last sexual experience would be [...]
I did not get into the Twilight books because they are boring, I don’t agree with them ideologically, need to see my vampires in the flesh and was waiting for the movie.
“Would you rather be a Vampire or a Zombie?” LA Girl Friend asked. She is going through a phase of getting to know me [...]
You can tell a lot about a person from their history. You can tell even more about them from their Google history. Few people blatantly advertise their penchant for blow-up dolls or Asian porn when speaking at state dinners, or whatever else it is that people do with their time these days. But if you [...]
What is with boys laughing because they ejaculated on to a girls face? Maybe I have seen too many Carnies have a pie thrown at their head, I don’t know, but there has to be a reason why the hilarity of the sexual act of aiming and firing is lost on me. I just don’t [...]
When you haven’t had sex during This decade, anything will get you off. Walking down a street is foreplay and drinking a hot chocolate, almost, feels post-coital. Everything in between is orgasmic only because you have forgotten what the fuck an orgasm feels like. Every waking hour feels like a year because, well, it may [...]
I hope that one day, the people who believe dinosaurs roamed the earth five thousand years ago are placed in a museum. I hope that one day, people who try to ban books are not people who get employed by global news networks. The concept that an asteroid which put all of the dinosaurs into [...]